Well what's up, I haven't blogged lately I know, but i decided to because heaps of stuff has happened and instead of burdening someone with all my rants, I thought I would use the internet aka my blog :).
So since it's nearly the end of school, well school is pretty much over soon FOREVER!
The thought of that scares me, & I looked back over the years/ this year & thought about so many things, mostly regrets and mistakes. Even though everyone says we shouldn't look back on the "bad" things, but rather focus on the positives but I believe that the negatives are just as important because in a weird way they are the things that shape and make us. And then I think about the friendships I've made, over the years and think at least half of them have been fake.
I used to think that everyone was going to have your back, and no-matter what they would stand with yu, but this year that theory and right now its being tested. The people that I spent most of my childhood with, were either liars, fakes and people who wanted to "get in" and look like they had power and gain respect. It's even sad when we gave respect to those people, we put our lives at risk in the name of friendship and It's even sadder when you called them your "brother" and they treated you like a sister. But I know that people change, and we grow up and realize some things, but that isn't an excuse to treat people like shit when you see them again, or backstab people when once apon a time, they were trying to impress you & you were the one covering for them.
Some people Will always be there and I thank those boys, but sometimes because of certain events those friendships get strained and broken and even if both parties try and make it better, there will always be tension and it never quite heals. But Im happy that I have some people who will still try even if its fucked.
And I thought I finally could trust you, but I know living with parents like yours and the expectations that they put on you, probably wasn't easy. And I completely understand that, BUT that doesn't mean you can use me for an excuse, make me lie to your parents and family, make me try and mend YOUR PROBLEMS! and then criticize the way I am. I know most of the time you were right about certain things, but whenever I was right you decided to push me away, and use your boyfriend against me and then tell him not to be friends with me and disinvite me from certain events that were not yours. Now thats pretty low. But I feel so sorry, not because of all my wrong doing, but because we had a connection then we lost it, around half way through last year we became so tight again, & we had so many good moments and bad, but we always sorted through them & now you totally did a 360 turn and don't want anything to do with me. But hey the reason why were not as close paint my problem.
But then again whatever, & this year I nearly lost one person that was very close to me, and we didn't talk for weeks and that was mainly because we were both stubborn but because I guess we both didn't want to admit the real problem. I guess we were both scared of what would happen if we tried to sort our problem out that we wouldn't recover, so I guess we both didn't want to believe that it was over. But Im so glad that we both decided to work through our problems and try and sort it out. And because of that were all good now. : )
And 99% of the time, communication is the key, and when you lose that, it can cause huge problems not just in friends but in business's. And so if you want something to work you sometimes you just need to talk or txt and see each other. And that's what I did a few weeks ago, and Im so glad we did, although my friend & I are still trying, were better then we were 2 weeks ago. & I say thankyou.
oxo
